A Tribute to Mrs. C and My Mom

While watching the sweet tribute to Jeanne Cooper (Mrs. Chancellor) on The Young and The Restless who died May 8^th of this year at the age of 84. There are cast members who are telling personal set stories. The clips from her past and current plot lines tell only a glimpse of how amazing her impact was on them and the fans.

When Peter Bergman told his recall of her jewelry with her hand gestures, I fall into a puddle of tears.  The cocktail rings that she wore bear a strong resemblance to the ring my mom would wear. I still have the ring that reminds me of the era. A cocktail ring that takes over my knuckle in and aura of opals and transforms my hand into my mother’s hand.

She would wear it for dinner parties and just because days. Watching this tribute makes me sad yet connected to my mom all over again. Jeanne Cooper is who I thought my mom would have been like if she lived a long life.  Sassy and tell-it-like-it-is kind-of lady, just like I recall of my mom.

RIP Mrs. C.  Thank you.

One of My Favorite Things About Being a Mom #KCT

My cheeks are burning with heat inside the chill of the arena. I zoom around the corner, waving to my mom as I pull up into a flip. When I land, I feel a sense of great accomplishment. I did it!  I whirl around to see if my mom saw it. Yes! She’s standing up, clapping wildly.

“Mom! Look at me!” I snap out of my reverie as my six-year-old zooms by on her bike. Her determination to ride well so she can let go of the training wheels is written on her bright face. She speeds past me while balancing in the middle, not using her training wheels.  I know I can relate to needing mom’s approval for accomplishments.

I turn and see my four-year-old squealing down the slide. It’s her first year to do this all by herself without one of us helping her up the playground apparatus. With all her challenges and delays, her confidence grows daily.

The playground has been recently updated because of the fundraising efforts of local parents. The old equipment was old and unsafe. As a parent, I am grateful for the new equipment.  Not every community has the opportunity to upgrade, yet so many parks and community centers are in need of update and/or repair.

The Kraft Celebration Tour recognizes the passion and community spirit that brings people together and promotes healthy, active lifestyles from coast to coast.  Since 2009, the Kraft Celebration Tour has helped hundreds of thousands of Canadians in 40 deserving communities with a total of $1 million toward projects such as:

• Building a skateboard park
• Upgrading a sports field
• Improving a boxing facility
• Renovating a community youth center

Did you have a neighborhood park nearby where you spent time playing with your friends, or a trail on which you loved to walk your dog? Nominate them to win $25,000 to create something new or make something better – oh, and a broadcast with TSN! And nominations are being accepted until June 7^th!

To nominate a community, Canadians are asked to submit a short essay and up to five photos explaining why their community deserves to be a part of the Kraft Celebration Tour and how the $25,000 community award will go towards the creation or improvement of a local community space.  The essay should also touch upon how the award would help promote community spirit, a passion for sports, and an active lifestyle.

“Through the Kraft Celebration Tour, we’ve been able to continue our tremendous partnership with Kraft Canada and give back to deserving Canadians across the country,” said Stewart Johnston, President, and TSN.  “For the past four years, the communities that are honoured and the stories that are told by the Kraft Celebration Tour help remind us how fortunate we are to live in such a diverse and beautiful country filled with countless remarkable people.  To be a part of something as special as this program is an honour for all of us at TSN and we can’t wait to head out on the road again.”

On June 30, TSN and RDS will announce the 20 finalists selected by a panel of judges.  Then it’s up to Canada to decide the 10 winning Kraft Celebration Tour stops via 10 weekdays of head-to-head online voting beginning July 8.

Also we’d love for you to check out their Facebook page too

One of my favorite things about being a mom is playing with my kids at the park.  They grow up so fast, sometimes you just have to ditch the dirty dishes. Playtime is so important for the whole family.  Even though my mom died a long time ago, a big part of my childhood memories is hanging out with her in our neighborhood.

Disclosure – I am participating in the Kraft Celebration Tour Blogger Campaign. I received compensation as a thank you for participating and for sharing my honest opinion. The opinions on this blog are my own.

A Childless Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is approaching quickly. For years after my mom died, I hated the day. I would volunteer to take the Sunday shifts so those moms on staff could all have the day off. I felt that by keeping busy at work it would make the day go fast, so I could numb the pain that I did not have a mom.

When I became a mom of a miracle and bonus baby, Mother’s Day took on a whole new meaning. I did not ask for much other than  time to relish in the fact that I was chosen to be their mom.  Throughout the day my heart would ache for those trying to be a mom. I never knew I wanted to be a mom until I met my girls.

As many women who long to be moms, Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder on what is missing in their lives. When I interviewed Nia Vardalos about her book  Instant Mom, I asked her if she knew that her daughter was in the fos-adopt program would she have gone through the 13 IVF treatments?  She replied, “I say, that is your god-given right. Don’t try it. Do it.”

As I have written about the struggles for BC couples who have tried to conceive naturally and can’t afford to go through in vitro treatments to be parents, my heart aches for them. The BEST parents are those who want to be parents through any means.

There are as many as 1 in 5 families who are impacted by infertitlity. Fertility declines as early as age 28, when women are involved in their careers and might not be thinking about families. The only province that is curently funding IVF is Quebec. Publicly funding  IVF would save precious health care dollars. Since Quebec has a reputation of being family focused like BC, will this election help BC families come May 14th?

Did you know that Austraila funds up to 80% of the cost of IVF? Publicly funding single embryo transfers will preserve the health of multiple births and mom long term.

After battling many years of endometriosis I have been gifted the joy of being a mom to two amazing daughters.  Are you celebrating Mothers Day this year?  What is your story?

 

Follow them on Twitter: @ivf4bc

Like them on Facebook to get the latest information.

Disclosure: I am a valued member of the #IVF4BC blog team. As such, I received compensation, but my opinion is my own.

And so it begins…

There it is, the season of PR and Marketing people flooding inboxes for May. What about the customers who don’t have a mom to buy for this Mother’s Day?

Hard to say no: Why not having a Grandma is tough

Biting my lip, I say good-bye to my precocious 6 year-old daughter. I remind her to mind her manners, stay safe and have fun on the field trip. Her face is crumpled in a frown. She asks again if I can come for the day trip, two towns away. I remind her that I do not have someone to take care of her sister and drive her to therapy and school. I hug her and wish her a good day. She goes into class and starts chatting with her friends.

Her young sister is pulling my hand in the direction of the walk home. My heart hurts again for not being able to balance between my girls. I feel like my older one always gets the short end of my time.  Her sister’s therapy and preschool schedule keeps me busy.  I long to have an extra helper so I can devote my energy solely towards her.

The warm sun does nothing to heal my heart and soul. Life would be easier if they had a grandma near that could help out. It is not their fault.

I unlock the front door and let us in. My hand remains on the door. I say a silent message to her to have a good time. In a few short months her sister will be in the same school. I hope life can be better balanced. I am lucky to work at home so I can be there as much as I can.

My thoughts run wild as I prep the therapy room while my young one is anxiously waiting for her therapist. Yes, I can only be stretched so far. Sacrifices are made at the expense of another.  My only hope is that as they grow older they will not remember what I didn’t do, but that I was there every day being their cheerleader. Just like my mom, even from her wheelchair before she died.  I will have a special snack waiting for her after school.

Writing feeds a Hunger: Freestyle Poem

To write daily

Is to breathe emotions,

To feed a void, a hunger.

Pen over calories

To write at all

Is the prevent pent-up anger,

Frustrations, mis-placed arguments

Find a health vice

To write is to keep sane

In a world where I feel

Displaced, not the driver

Nowehere to go

My pen helps me write

What I can not say, giving up

My pen has no conditions

And puts me at a priority

Then why do I avoid it?

Excuse of my over-crowded life.

In Your Face Autism

The blood is racing through my body to the point I think it is going to burst my veins. My hands grip the shopping cart handle as I whisk us away from the older man. I feel light, euphoric even.  Surreal does not even begin to describe it. For once, I said the right thing at the right time.

Minutes ago my four-year-old raced ahead of me in the grocery aisle. She accidently bumped an older gentleman’s basket. He was not hurt at all. I caught up to her as she raised her arms to indicate for me to pick her up. I scoop her into the cart. The man that she bumped came up beside me and grumbled that those kids should not be contained but punished for what she did.

Without taking a breath I looked at him and said, “ Did someone teach you to be an asshole or does it come naturally?”

Walking away, I am stunned at what I said. For years since my youngest was diagnosed, I bit my tongue when ignorant comments or unsolicited advice would be dropped in front of me. I am not trying to be on a soapbox and make everyone be aware of autism and it’s many gifts and challenges.  All I ask is that she be given the same respect as others expect her to give them.

I do not swear or call people bad names very often. I want to show my kids that mom does use her words. In this case, I do not regret standing up for my kid, who doesn’t know how do that for herself. Ironically, I did not see that man as we finish our shopping. I pack up the car and buckle her in. She gives me a big kiss and hug. Her direct eye contact is a new gift. Maybe she knew what happened just now and she is thanking me in her way. Never mess with a Mama Bear. In your face Autism.

What to Say and Not to an Autism Warrior Parent

I know I should have thicker skin when it comes to snide remarks. I know I should let it roll off my back. I know I shall expect it again. It makes my brain go into what people should say. They are:

5 things Not to Say to an Autism Parent

1. Everything happens for a reason.
2. At least the child is healthy.
3. That must be tough.
4. Can’t you control your kid? ( or the nasty glances.)
5. I don’t know how you do it.
6. This kid is born to you because you are strong and can handle it all.

5 things to say to an Autism Parent

1. How are you?
2. Can I babysit sometime?
3. Your kid is wonderful/smart/delightful.
4. The world is a better place with your kid in it.
5. _______________________________________

I wish to put this on a laminated card to hand out when people approach me . I wonder what the fifth thing that should be on that list.

What would you say to a parent with a child on the spectrum that is positive?

Daring Myself as an Instant Mom

 

I lay my hands on my kitchen table and stretch them out in effort to calm the shaking. I stare at my arsenal: a water with a straw, three pens, a pad of writing paper, Index cards with my questions written in Sharpie marker, my recorder aimed at my phone and spare questions written in bold pen sits the farthest away.

I wonder, ‘ How did I get here?’

The time moves fast to 9:18 am. My heart leaps into my throat. I am about to interview one of my favorite writers and actresses, Nia Vardalos. I have been taking more chances in my life since turning 39 last October. My mom did not reach that birthday. I vowed I would do more things that she would have wanted me to do.

So, I saw the tweet from Nia asking for parenting bloggers who may want to review her upcoming book, Instant Mom.

I have pared down my book reviews for my blog to books that are only of interest to me.  This one really peaked my interest – Nia and her husband adopted a young girl from Foster Care.  I immediately contacted her publisher in Canada with hopes to get a book and a potential interview. Never did I imagine my wish would be granted, and a phone interview is about to take place.

Her title alone, Instant Mom, is a phrase I can relate. I was told I could not get pregnant due to medical issues. Two children later, I keep parenting by-the-seat-of-my-heart.

I have a confession. I entered the Canadian Foster Care system when I was sixteen years old. I went through 5 group and private foster homes until my moms’ best friend from university sought out to be my foster mom, permanently.  I never have spoke publicly about it until now. Judy was the best thing that ever happened to me after my mom died.

I saw many unwanted kids in those group homes. I tried my best to show gratitude to the world as I unraveled the dark 6 years after my mom died until Judy saved me.  It means a lot to me that a celebrity couple would be united with their child through foster care.  I could not keep quiet of my yearning to tell Nia how much it meant from this former foster kid.

If I told myself a year ago that I would be here, I would not have believed myself. Today, I am delightfully nervous.

My phone rings and springs me out of my dream bubble. I poise my finger over the record button of the recorder, ready. The Call Display says Blocked. Of course it is.

“Hello. This is Danielle,” I shakily say.

“Hi Danielle. It’s Nia.” Wow, I thought, no ‘people.’ (a team of  assistants, PR people and more)  It is her, calling me.

And we are off and running.

Stay tuned to this blog for the book review and the in-depth interview about Instant Mom and more over the next two weeks.

A Letter to Shoppers this Season

December 2012

Dear Christmas Shoppers,

RE: Being Kind while Shopping this Season

First, I want to wish you a Happy Holiday season.

Secondly, this is a very busy shopping season. Retailers do appreciate you coming in to buy gifts. For some companies it is when they start to turn a profit from a tight year. When the business’s purchased their winter stock back in the spring, they try to anticipate what is the ‘it’ item for the Holiday season. When you yell at the cashier for the empty shelf on Christmas Eve, remember it is not the clerk’s fault.

Thirdly, on that note, turn that frown upside down. Yes, the lines are long. Yes, the clerk may have been working for 10 hours without a break.

Fourthly, I dare you to do one kind thing each shopping trip. Hold a door open for someone or let a frazzled mom go ahead of you. It does not take much to pay it forward, or cost a thing.

Finally, it is ‘tis the season to be jolly.’ There is power in taking a breath and being grateful for what you have. You may find your smile is contagious. It can also make a tired cashier’s day.

Love,

Me

15 year Christmas Retail Veteran